Valentine Chocolate Review

An opinionated review of some iconic Valentine chocolates to help you avoid chocolate mishaps on your special day

Lindt Lindor: Also known as velvet chocolate.

Lindt Lindor: Chocolate silk in a wrapper. Smooth and gentle on the tongue, these chocolates are for those who like delicate and dainty flavors. This simple confection can brighten up your day or soothe the rumpled feelings that abound on this day of love. Not recommended for the maniacs who eat exceedingly bitter dark chocolate or those who look for excitement in a chocolate box.


Rating: 6/10


Whitman’s Sampler: A classic assortment.

Whitman’s Sampler: This classy box of chocolate is winsome and never fails to impress. It’s pretty difficult to match the chocolates with the reference sheet printed on the other side of the cover, so spice up your night with this element of mystery. You usually “never know what you’re gonna get”, but the flavors are generally good, ranging from nougat to caramel and the occasional nut. One thing you can be sure of is diabetes in the future, so don’t get too enamored with these overly-sweet delicacies.


Rating: 9/10

Heath Bar: A hit or miss with your date.


Heath Bars: Very underrated, most people tend to like these bars. An inexpensive and delectable blend of toffee and milk chocolate, this confection strikes a perfect balance between the two. The bar has just enough toffee to counteract the chocolate, but not enough to overpower it, and is perfect for those who like a little extra crunch in their chocolate. This reviewer fails to understand why some people are not that into it.


Rating: 12/10


Hershey Kisses: The kiss we can all share.

Hershey Kisses: Which chocolate review is complete without Hershey kisses? Move aside, candy valentine hearts, this is the new icon. (Unfortunately, the candy Sweethearts are now obsolete. The company ran into bankruptcy and they’re pulling them off the shelves. A moment of silence for those disgusting but aesthetic hearts). The Kisses’ convenient name makes for a perfect back-up plan. Ask your date/crush if they want a kiss. If they reply in the negative, pull out a bag of these badboys and totally laugh the whole thing off to disguise your breaking heart. On the negative side, these chocolates can get monotonous after a while.


Rating: 5/10


Special shout out to:

Lifesavers: This minty explosion can serve as a gentle reminder to your date to use breath fresheners more often.

Peppermint Candy Puffs: Found in almost every store and usually in Mr. Rodes’ classroom, this confection melts in the mouth and is guaranteed to cheer you up after a bad date, or end a good one on a perfect note.

Gummy Bears/Skittles: An easy, desperate, last minute buy when you remember that your significant other doesn’t like chocolate.